I can feel it you know. When you wave at me driving by, that big cheery, manly salute, as if all is well with the world, and you’re having a ball…..I can see it in you. You’re embarrassed to talk to me. You think I’ll judge you…..but I never would.
Things changed didn’t they? We were on this road together for a while. And we were flying.
We understood each other, and how hard it could be sometimes to live with the strange thoughts in these minds of ours, and these addictions that we fight.
We had this recovery business down, and there was no stopping us. You pulled me up when I was struggling, and told me I’d be okay. And you were right….I was…after a while. And I hope I’ll always be.
But you my friend, you wouldn’t be okay. You slipped and fell, again and again. I was so angry with you the first time. How could you let this happen? We had this. Had it sussed.
In truth I was more scared than angry. It just came out as anger. I was scared for you…but scared for myself too. If you could buckle, would I be next? Would I even be able to do this without your help?
But that’s not how it goes is it? We all have our own paths to take. This is a lonely road sometimes.
It can break hearts, and relationships, and friendships. You chose your own path and I have to respect that. And I have to carry on my own journey too.
But I appreciate every call, every laugh, and every bit of advice you gave me when I needed it most.
You caught me just when I needed help more than I’ve ever needed it. You were my hero.
And I’m sorry you wouldn’t let me be there for you, like you were for me. I really would have liked to be and I would have tried my best for you.
It wouldn’t have made any difference to me to stay friends, but it did to you. You said that it’d be bad for me to be around you.Maybe you were right….who knows? So I had to let you go on your way
Maybe some day we’ll meet again, and we can be friends again. And have the laughs like we did before. If not, I’ll still give you the big wave when I see you, and the smile.
I miss you, and I hope you stay safe, and I’ll be ready if you need an ear to listen, or an arm to hold on to.
Good luck my old buddy.
