I want to hold you and to hug you
The mom I knew
The one who came to all my recitals and who
Walked up and down the aisles at every assembly
To get a better picture, a better view
The mom I knew
****
Where are you now, I wonder?
The mom I knew
I’ve been turning up all the couch cushions and looking
Between the pages of every book
On shelves unread
Still brand new
The mom I knew
****
I want to sit and listen to
The mom I knew
The one who told me Bible stories
Who spun yarns
And fables with small details
Tall tales - none of which were true
The mom I knew
****
I want to share my life with
The mom I knew
I want her to congratulate me on my new job
The mom I knew
****
I want her to seek me out and care
To leave a light on
To hold a space for me
To express how much she misses me
And wished I were there
****
…to invite me for dinner
Fix me a meal
To pay me an unexpected visit
To join me at the beauty parlor to do our hair -
****
But that’s a mom I’ll never know
I can cry until I’m blue
She was just a fantasy
They tell me she exists…
****
…in me.
****
The mom I knew
